At work I've been in a temporary crunch, a major new product version I'm almost exclusively responsible for has been close to release and a new v1.0 replacement product is underway, and I've been in the middle of it all as a key engineer.

It's time spent at the computer, such that when I'm working hard, my physical body is hardly working. Days of extra effort inevitably become weight gain days. I try to be careful about what I'm eating, but I'm frankly too busy to care to the point of taking any extra time to fuss with it.

Normally I'd love these moments, there's nothing worse than being so under-utilized that I have to look for things to do to make myself feel valuable at work. Unfortunately, though, I'm dreading the fact that I just went through this, because I'm worried that I may have crossed some kind of ugly threshold.

Lately I've been getting these strange, subtle dizzy spells. They're really hard to describe, it's like something is poking at my brain's capacity to be steady and self-aware, like I'm about to faint. It's also a flickering and unnerving unsteadiness, not just an "I suddenly feel sleepy" sensation, rather I can feel my eyelids blinking fast as I suddenly can't think clearly or hold my head up straight, and the sensation is almost like someone is whispering in my ear very softly but very distinctly and clearly, "Something is wrong." The sensation lasts for about five to ten seconds, then goes away completely.

I asked a doctor to give me a check-up half a year or so ago because at the time I'd been suffering from migraines, but I told him I was paranoid because my grandfather died of brain cancer and he and I were a lot alike in that he was an engineer of sorts and he used to stay up late doing his work. I got an MRI, just to clear the air and get that detail behind us. It came back negative, "absolutely nothing looks wrong".

However, the doctor did say that I have high cholesterol. This didn't sound surprising, I am overweight, after all, and high LDL is typical in overweight and under-exercised people, so Google shows me. I haven't seen the doctor since then, and I also gained a few pounds since then as well. (Shame. But I call it "new job stress".)

Knowing that the only absolute that came back from the doctor as a health concern was high cholesterol, this has me obviously wondering if my dizzy spells are signs of something potentially very serious, namely an impending heart attack or stroke. I'm actually more nervous about what will happen when something serious might show up than the incident itself, because I live alone. If I am sitting around watching TV and suddenly a stroke comes on and I collapse right where I am, it could be a week or two before I might be cognizant enough to be able to call 9-1-1 if I survive something like that at all. Can we say, "dehydration"?

These dizzy spells are really subtle but sudden and distinctive enough for me to notice. Although this happened about three or four times even today--even just a few minutes ago after rolling over in bed before I got up to blog this--I haven't seen anything else happen that might raise eyebrows such as numbness on any one side of my body or face, vision loss, crushing pain in my chest (just heartburn which I've been experiencing more of lately, strangely, ever since I dropped Nutri-System), etc.

If anyone's reading this, don't worry, if I get any other symptom, particularly those above which I haven't experienced yet, I will seek professional attention. 

Meanwhile, I myself am going to try not to worry. I'm consuming fish oil, vitamins B6, B12, and folic acid like candy (so to speak, no not overdoing it), and today I went for a bicycle ride for half an hour. (I'm so out of shape I only went 9 MPH on level roads and felt like I was hauling a train. Yeesh, that's bad.) I'm gonna try to do that or something like it every day from now on after work, if not to and from work. I have a new weight bench, some dumbells, a super-cheap elliptical machine I rarely use, and a new super-cheap motorless treadmill that I've never used. I have no excuse, really.

On a more positive note, my most-frequented fast food joint, Wendy's, has the best french fries in the land, but, alas, I'd been avoiding them because I thought they'd skyrocket the cholesterol situation. Turns out, the amount of cholesterol in Wendy's fries is zilch, thanks to an oil switch they made a year or two ago. W00t!! Now I can buy them virtually guilt-free (only have to watch the fat and sodium levels). I've also been taking a liking to the Premium Fish Fillet Sandwiches which are relatively low on the cholesterol bar. Sadly, in the process of discovering all this, I also discovered that my thoroughly enjoyed intake of their Sausage & Egg Burritos in the mornings over the last month or so was the worst choice cholesterol-wise I could have made. Two of these tiny little things (they come in two's) together are way over 100% of the daily cholesterol limit. Total bummer, I loved starting my days with those when combined with Wendy's hot sauce.

UPDATE (4/22/2009): Monday (couple days ago) I experienced an incident of such "dizziness", I noticed my head went limp, my face started tingling, and I noticed that it was really difficult for me to smile (left side felt like I was sitting in a dentist chair for a filling). I was in the middle of a meeting in a conference room and didn't mention anything until later. That night I went for a walk, went to bed a little early (which for me always means waking up in the middle of the night wide-awake if the previous night didn't get a full night of sleep), and when I woke up at 1 AM my whole left side of my body--my face my arm, my leg--was numb and tingling. It was subtle, but very noticeable, and not the sort of numbness and tingling that come from limbs "falling asleep", something felt very wrong. I was, however, able to walk straight. I went for a walk for about half a mile, then came back and Googled for "mini-stroke" information. One site actually said, "some people wake up from sleep and find that half of their body is tingling and numb; these people probably had a stroke while they were sleeping". More Google homework shows that mini-strokes are normal strokes that resolve--hence, no brain damage, just lots of fear. However, mini-strokes are VERY serious signs of need to make lifestyle changes, because they literally mean that a major, unresolving stroke may happen within three months.

I've been getting these dizzy spells every day, about four times a day, there's been no let-up, and each time I can feel my head unable to hold up straight, my hearing drop to about 30%, my left cheek and entire mouth and jaw tingle, my vision dissipate, and my chest feel heavy and tingly. This has become a serious wake-up call for me. I've started taking Aspirin (one a day), some cholesterol-balancing supplements, and some fat-loss pills, and I've been trying hard to avoid red meats or anything else with LDL cholesterol. I'm getting some exercise (walking or bicycle-riding) daily now, today was an exception because of some late hours spent at the office.

I want to see a doctor and would have tried to already but I'm stuck because Blue Cross / Blue Shield wants to do anything they can to keep their customers from getting their lives saved. Seriously, though, they have this one-year waiting game they play if you are unable to provide proof of prior insurance for the last 12 months upon joining a job (I joined my current employment in late January), and I did get some attention about migranes in November/December. So the insurance company won't cover me in these circumstances. And I can't throw myself into potential new MRIs or CT scans if I'm expected to pay up front. These are just businesspeople.

I don't know when my first incident was, but I think it was last Saturday while I was watching TV and computing with my laptop. It scared me then, it scares me now. Five days into it, I'm counting my days... :(