I don’t have much to say tonight except that I saw the neurologist today and confirmed the diagnosis for MS. The BAER test showed irregularities and the spinal tap showed evidences of MS disease activity. That’s three diagnostic tests that point to MS (these plus the initial MRI brain scans showing five lesions).

Somehow, this time I’m not taking it hard this time. I guess I already shed my tears with the initial diagnosis a couple months ago.

I feel fine; some minor tingling in my legs and constant ringing in my ears but otherwise fine. The spinal tap pain is almost all behind me; I still feel weirdness in my lower back from the blood patch but I otherwise feel fine.

I now need to prepare myself for continuous therapy. MS therapy comes in injection form—stabbing myself with a needle regularly. Fortunately, there are prescription pills coming out in the next year that will replace the injections. My neurologist tells me not to wait for it, which I won’t. I’m just glad that it’s coming.

I can cope with this new knowledge that MS has been confirmed, but two things about it scare me significantly: serious physical disability (especially in my hands, eyes, and internal organs such as digestive system and bladder) and cognitive disability (failure of the mind and memory) to any extent. None of these are affected so far at all, thank goodness. My hands, eyes, and mind are my primary tools for my career track and what I use for my free time (which is the same as what I do for my work time – computing!!) so if I get crippled in any of these areas I will have to find something else to do with my time and abandon what I’ve invested all of my adulthood into.

But let’s not go there any further; I feel fine, and I’m still in the game, still as capable as ever. Hopefully the treatments will keep things this way for a very long time.